Being intentional

INTENTIONALITY ABOUT FRIENDSHIP

28 Comments / Life & Development / Paul Afabor / August 1, 2021 / Being intentional, Friendship, intentional

In this age of social media addiction, we get so close to buddies online, yet so far away. There appears to be an uncertainty as to whether chat buddies are real friends. Can virtual platforms produce true friendships? In a single room where many friends are gathered, tendencies are that they are all together, yet chatting with other persons online, and sometimes hardly even talking to themselves as friends ordinarily should, yet they regard themselves as friends. Can physical company produce quality friendships? Increasingly, one of the greatest yearnings of every heart is true friendship. With the proliferation of access to more people, especially through online platforms. It is ironic that more and more persons are getting depressed and continuously bored, unsatisfied with their present lives and looking for friends with whom they can relate, grow, work, play and share burdens with; people who would genuinely care about them and go all out without any strings attached. Admittedly, such people are the scarcest commodity on the planet. Not because it is impossible, but because the world has grown mightily selfish. Friendship is one smaller ship within a bigger ship called Relationship. Think of it this way: “Relationship” is a Blue Marlin ship. The Blue Marlin ship is a ship that ships ships. In that Blue Marlin ship, “friend-ship” is there, as well as other kinds of “ships”. Notwithstanding the stressful strain that many experience in their attempts to make friends, there is a fail proof way to make friends that last and are profitable. There are only two principles I would espouse here, in order to keep this brief. 1. He who seeks a friend, must first of all, show himself friendly. To be friendly is not equal to being extroverted. The most introverted persons can still be friendly. This clarification is necessary because many people deny themselves becoming friends with wonderful people who have come into their lives at one time or the other on the erroneous belief that they are not friendly. What does it mean to be friendly? Essentially, being friendly means to put the other person first. Exercise virtues in favour of another person all the time by helping where a help will make the endeavour better; and other virtues. The exercise and display of virtues build relationships, but every vice cripples it. 2. Do to others what you want others to do to you. Often times, we do to others what we cannot tolerate. Apart from showing oneself friendly, this principle focuses on how to show this love. The display of virtues more in favour of another person than oneself is love. Given the many different ways in which different persons perceive love, we must understand this principle to refer chiefly to feelings. Feelings are much a fact as actions are. In fact, long after people have forgotten your actions, they will always remember how you made them feel. Let me summarize this by saying: make others feel as good as you would love to always feel, in every situation. In conclusion, you would see that unless virtues are cultivated within you, you are unable to do good to another person, no matter how much you want to. Similarly, regardless of how much you wish to minister life to someone, like Moses, the ancient leader of Israel, you will impart death, if you have not gotten life in yourself. Nemo dat quod non habet — You cannot give what you do not have. Consequently, we must individually invest first in the most important relationship that will help us to imbibe and cultivate the right character in ourselves. For most people, it is only a relationship with God that can achieve such a feat, and it’s working well for them. Unless this is done, we will not be good people, let alone being a good friend to someone else. How much less then should we expect to have good friends? He who seeks a friend, must first of all show himself friendly.

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LESSONS FROM THE SQUIRREL

67 Comments / Leadership, Life & Development / Paul Afabor / February 27, 2021 / Being intentional, good leadership, leadership

One of our society’s primary challenge is obviously a high deficiency in leadership capabilities. Let us examine the subject for a while. Leadership, simply put, is the art and process of taking people from Point 1 to Point 2. We want to look at this through the lenses of the squirrel. Come with me. I witnessed this incident the day it happened. There was a bush on the other side of the fence of this compound, and from that bush, a plantain tree leaned against the wall. On the other side, within the compound, lavatories were being erected and they were attached to the wall, the fence. The lavatories were only at lintel level, but the lintels had not been cast. There were other trees in the compound. Then came a squirrel from the bush on a mission to cross over to the other side, that is, the trees in the compound. True to its character, it ran so fast on the fence and came to the top of the uncompleted lavatories. Then it met a wide gulf that will not let it pass over to its desired destination. It came to a halt abruptly, paused for a while and went to where it came from. I thought it gave up; but it came back, running more ferociously, now aware of the huddle it must cross. This time, that initial gulf had nothing on the squirrel. It was unstoppable, jumping through and continuing its journey. It however came to about three (3) more of such gulfs (which were actually the doorposts of the lavatories). With each new challenge of a gulf before it, it went back, jumped the previous one, the one before that, went back to the bush, and came back all the harder, until it jumped every hurdle and arrived at its desired destination. The first lesson is that to lead others, we must first lead ourselves. We leadourselves primarily by developing capacity to handle issues and situations. We develop this capacity by going the entire length of the mile, whether anyone goes with us or not. This is the way to even get reliable followers: when they meet you hard at work, your passion inspires them. The main point of the lesson gleaned is in the perseverance and the general attitude of never giving up that the squirrel portrayed. In like manner, whatever we do, we must persevere and stay till the end, as long as it is a good and noble cause. We should also make sure that we maintain the right attitude to never give up, no matter how big the mountain ahead appears to be. We should rather, calm down instead of being anxious, and plan, strategize on how to surmount the mountain. For some, part of the planning will include seeking help from others, and may include prayers. Once the planning is done, we immediately execute the plan. Remember the squirrel, how it paused for a while, evaluated the situation, and when it hatched a plan in its mind, went back immediately to execute the plan. It came out successful. This cycle remains the same whether we run as a single unit, or even when we run with others, perhaps leading them. We must inspire people always to maintain the right attitude in every situation. We must also learn and teach others to be perseverant in tackling difficult situations. In conclusion, being intentional about leadership is the only way to make great strides in life and in any field of endeavor. Good leadership does not happen by chance; rather, it is an outflow of the personality of the leader to his followers’ hearts. Since everyone is a leader, then all must therefore imbibe the right qualities and live them out.

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BEING INTENTIONAL!

54 Comments / Faith, Leadership, Life & Development / Emmanuel Onuigbo / February 7, 2021 / Being intentional, intentional

Greetings to you there, and a very happy new February to you.So some useful questions came in as to what the theme “Being Intentional” really means. And you know, it made me realise that just because the theme plainly says “Being Intentional”, doesn’t mean everyoneunderstands it as ought, and thus with the intent of making it understood to everyone as much as is possible, I need to keep defining and redefining the theme as I received/conceived it.So what does “Being Intentional” mean?The word ‘Intentional’ derives from the word ‘Intention’ which means ‘what one wants to do or bring about’. And the word ‘Intention’ comes from ‘Intent’. Intent as a noun from Merriam-Webster dictionary means ‘the state of mind with which an act is done’. And as an adjective from same dictionary, means, ‘having the mind, attention, or will concentrated on something or some end or purpose’. Let’s quickly jump to the meaning of Intentional from same dictionary: ‘done by design’.So you see, the word Intentional comes with two implications: An intention, a goal, a purpose, a vision, an end, or a target, etc. That is, if someone is said to be Intentional, he/she must have something that they’re aiming at to get, do or achieve. Secondly, he/she must actively engage the perceived right actions to put in place in order to get, do or achieve their aim. You see, between March and June 2020, so many governments of countries including Africa’s, declared a lock down of their country. Although, the decision affected the economy of some African countries, the intention of these countries’ governments was to contain or control the spread of the COVID-19, using their perceived right ways. The governments were Being Intentional as regards the problem thatfaced them. If we remember somewhere in 2019, everyone was surprised and wondering why the Nigerian government didn’t seem to want to sign the AfCFTA Treaty. Now whether or not the government was working on it, we all must have assumed that the government was not Being Intentional as regards the state of our economy because, signing the treaty will surely help our economy and the African economy at large. Read more about AfCFTA https://www.tralac.org/resources/infographic/13795-status-of-afcfta- ratification.html. If I fall to the ground, and realise that I can’t stand again maybe because of a fracture or my weight, I will call to you: “please help me up, brother or sister”. I wouldn’t wait there, hiding my inability, wishing that somehow you will pity me and help me. I will call out to you for help. I am Being Intentional with my aim of standing up from the ground. If I need a job, and I understand the system that I’m in – one that needs a connection and adequate competence to get a job. I will build my competence, publicize my skills through LinkedIn and other platforms/means, and while doing so, I will put call through to some of the influential people on my contact list, and then I will keep reminding them. If I have a product but no customers, I will reach out to you, with the product so that you’ll buy or help me market/advertise it, and then I’ll keep disturbing you (in the very reasonable sense of that word to give me feedback of when and where to supply. I won’t just assume you’ll pick it up without forgetting, I will keep reminding you. Meanwhile, I won’t put the whole of my survival on you, I will call the other person too, and I will take the product to retailers and other people that I don’t know before now. If I feel down, disconnected from my faith. I will fast, pray, study the scriptures, as I wait to hear what my Creator is saying to me so that I will be strong again. No, I will not wait or over worry or get depressed. I will do the necessary to get connected again. When I keep this attitude continuously in every area of my life – that is, to intend for something and actively take necessary actions to achieve those intentions – I am Being Intentional.When I take good inventory of my situations, perceive rightly, take decisions to change those situations (i.e. aim), and then actively engage necessary and right actions to change those situations, I am Being Intentional. You see, the direct opposite of Being Intentional is passively hoping that your aim will become realizewithout your active participation. That participation might be involving someone, asking for counsel, asking for help, doing it yourself, taking decisions, setting goals, etc. You know it. Just do it. Be IntentionalBlessings!

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